Growing in Grace 2gether

I was at a ladies seminar recently and attended a workshop about mother/daughter relationships. The speaker, Linda Bergey, titled her talk: Conflict, Companionship or Cruising. Linda spoke with lots of heart, out of deep pain and with complete humility. I was surprised by how deeply her words touched my heart. My eyes brimming with totally unexpected tears made me realize how deeply I desire good things in my relationship with my mom and with my daughter. My hope, my expectations are high. My fear of failure runs almost as high as my hope. Linda said,

    "The mother daughter relationship is one of deep longing because we long to be perfectly loved. By nature of God's design {in a perfect world} we would be perfectly loved by our mothers. Because of that longing to be perfectly loved, the relationship between mother and daughter is the most intense in the family system."

Wow. That was a brand spanking new thought for me, but it made a lot of sense.

Here are a few more of Linda's thoughts that challenged me, encouraged me and half scared me to death all at the same time.

Your daughter is not an extension of you! She was created and designed by God with a totally different personality, different giftings and for a different purpose. Embrace those differences and encourage her in God's purposes for her! (she was not created to fulfill the dreams that you never were able fulfill in your life. -this is my own personal application)

 

How I view myself will play a huge role the development of my daughter's view of herself. ( example: I am convinced that I'm ugly, people tell her that she looks like me, therefore she concludes that she is not beautiful either) It is important that I develop a godly view of myself MORE for the sake of those I love than for my own personal completeness. (ouch!)

 

Our sweet little girls grow up to become women. The way they "turn out" feels like a reflection on us or a measure of our success. God  measures our success by how we let our difficulties make us more like him. (difficulties may include conflict with our daughters or disappointment in decisions that our grown daughters have made)

Flight is not an option when conflicts arise with your daughter. The relationship is worth fighting for. It's worth giving all of yourself  (being extremely vulnerable) in moving towards resolution.

Excellence in relationships is something to strive for.  Perfection is God's business. Accepting grace, admitting failure, asking forgiveness, a willingness to make new beginnings...that's my tall order as the mother.

 

*celebrating the end of 2nd grade with a mother/daughter slumber party!!!

See why I'm crazily hopeful and scared silly about raising  this daughter of mine??? It feels a little tricky being a daughter and a mother at the same time to two totally different ladies. I'm speaking to myself primarily as a mother here today. That does not mean that I do not have questions about my role as a daughter or that I do not feel the need to grow in grace even as a grown daughter.