{Birthday} Song for the 5th Child

An older lady friend of mine who has birthed and raised 9 children of her own has often shared lines with me from A Song for the 5th Child. This little poem has brought solace to my heart this past year as I mothered my 5th child.

I am not a poet and this is not intended to be a poem. It's simply an open letter that I am writing to Cassie on her first birthday which we celebrated on August 3.

My Dear and Darling Cassie Jo-

I never knew that 365 days could pass by so quickly.  While I'm still adjusting to the idea of adding a perfectly delicate little lady to our family tree I realize that it's time to celebrate your first birthday.

I never knew that I could survive 365+  nights in a row of interrupted sleep.

I didn't realize that  precious infants could demand an arm and a leg plus several toes from their parents. You were the most delightful little teacher.

I never knew how much I would actually love waking up with you in my arms after  falling asleep  during your many night time feeds.

I never thought I would wipe your nose on your pretty blanket and then keep right on using it. Thanks for being ok with it.

I never thought my house would be this messy or this disorganized.

I never planned to let the spiders take over the basement.

I never knew how much I loved rocking you until the day I laid you in your crib for the first time and softly patted your back until your eyelids drooped shut.

The next day I rocked you again.

I never thought your first birthday would come so quickly.

I didn't anticipate that we would be  hosting your grandparents for the week and that I would be so tired of preparing food that I wouldn't even want to think about a birthday cake.

I never thought you would be sick and miserable for a week before and after your birthday.

I never thought that I wouldn't have birthday party planned or no guests invited or no cake  at least planned in my head the morning of your birthday.

I never thought that I would allow your siblings to wrap your garage sale present in newspaper.

I didn't know how happy it would make me feel to see your older siblings so excited about doting all over you for the day.

I never knew that I would just want to lie in bed with you on the morning of your birthday and remember....just remember all the little details of your birth day. Remember the joy. All the delight.
All the happiness. All the hard. The tough. The days that I thought you and I might just both lose our minds.

And I never thought that the lying there and remembering would be my personal highlight of your first birthday.

You've taught me far more in these last 365 days than what I could possibly hope to mention at present.

You've rearranged my priorities.

You've broken me. 

You've humbled me.

You've made me fiercely proud.

You've softened my heart.

I love you!!!

So special to celebrate with Grandma